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Abuse comes in many forms, Clear the air, Family Matters, Speaking from Experience, Venting

Unhappy Mother’s Day

Welcome back blog readers,

Yes, I know it’s been a while since my last post. Life gets busy and I haven’t been inspired until now to post anything.

No the title is not a typo, It is meant to read Unhappy Mother’s Day. It’s not to discredit the great mothers and motherly figures out there. This post is not about them. For me and for others that don’t get along with their mothers, it’s simply just another day. I am not a mother in a biological sense, I do consider myself a pug mom. I am an Aunt and a big sister that has stepped into a motherly role from time to time.

Here is what prompted this blog post.

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I saw this on Facebook, I can relate so I shared them both to my page knowing that I have a few people on my friend’s list that can also relate. My mother saw them, and her natural instinct is to think they are about her. I’ve told her on a few occasions that not everything I share is about her. If I don’t tag her specifically or share it on her page, it’s not meant for her and is just a generic post I thought was worth sharing.

My mother sent me a private message, here is how things played out.  ** If you have not read my book, or through posts on this blog SPOILER ALERT**

Mom:  Hi Hannah, just a question.. be truthful.. was I really a bad mother to you and Joey? as you put all these two posts say..

Hannah:  I have no reason not to be truthful… First not everything I post is about you or anyone in particular. Not everyone has a mom to celebrate Mother’s day with for various reasons. I can relate to that. Not everyone has a great relationship with their mother, I can also relate to that. If you’ve read my book, you should know exactly where I stand. As for your question about you as a mother… You were not great, you were not the best, I know that you believe that you did the best you could. You were also not the worst. Your kids grew up to be functioning members of society, that was partially you and also not your doing. You don’t get to take credit for how we turned out as you only had 7-9 years of influence.

Mom:  Okay… Wow… I did not finish the book yet but I will at some point.. and I feel like you just slapped me for being who I am.. sorry you feel the way you do but you are right about me doing the best I could at the time you two lived with me.. and no I was not there as you both grow up as I had wanted too but then again that was not all my fault… but I do and will still always love you both and will be here when and if you both ever need me ..

Hannah:  You are free to take whatever I say in any manner that you see fit. I didn’t say that you DID the best that you could, I said that I know that YOU believe that you did the best that you could. You are and have been in complete denial about the choices that YOU made and the part that YOU played in everything. You asked me to be truthful, now I ask that you be truthful. I told you the truth about George and what he had been doing to me once you walked in on the last encounter. That wasn’t enough for you… you wanted confirmation/proof, you wanted to know who was telling the truth… You heard the truth, from ME, from the doctors and you still wanted to be with a man that raped me 9 times over 14 months. YOU did NOT do all that you could do to protect me and to keep your kids. YOU could not stay away from George once he was in prison, you got caught visiting him even though you knew you should not, if you wanted your kids back. You chose George again over your kids and their best interest was to be with their mother , not sharing a roof/life with a pedophile. Not only could you not stay away, but you befriended and married another one. Still you feel that you did the best you could, playing the poor me victim card, wondering why your kids don’t talk to you, or make the effort to visit. I opened the door of communication for YOUR benefit, not mine. I don’t need you as a parent in my life. I’m 40 and have done just fine without you. read my book, or don’t, I honestly don’t care. I’m too busy for this BS. You wanted honesty, that is all that I have ever given you, I can’t help how you react to it, that’s on you. I won’t respond because I have to work. Happy Mother’s Day, you brought this on yourself. Now you know why people get frustrated with you and don’t talk to you. How’s that for honesty?

For those of you that are not caught up and not at all familiar with the references, long story short (or as short as possible). I was sexually abused by my mother’s boyfriend in the mid-1980’s the abuse happened 9 times over 14 months (I was 8-9 years old). Once confirmation was obtained (rape test at the hospital the next morning) Child Services were called, my younger brother and I ended up in foster care. What was supposed to be short term ended up being 5 years that ended up in adoption because my mother kept choosing her boyfriend over her kids. We never did go back home.

Anyway, you get the idea. Mother’s day is just another day for me as I don’t have a reason to celebrate. Sometimes fishing for compliments backfires. Some might think that my response is a bit harsh, that’s fine.  You don’t know her like I do.

She has a knack for asking loaded questions, starting an argument and when she finally hits a nerve, she asks why you’re so upset. No accountability for her actions, she’s never to blame and always the victim of circumstance. It’s never her fault for anything.

I’ve tried to be nice, I put myself in her shoes 13 years ago and realized as big as her family is, nobody talks to her or goes out to visit. I felt sad for her. She had 3 grandchildren that she had never met. I was able to salvage/rekindle her relationship with my brother (married with 3 kids) and with her sister. Sadly both were short-lived because she can’t leave well enough alone, she sabotages herself and blames everyone else.

I’m done. Done sugar coating my responses to spare her feelings. She doesn’t take a hint. Sadly brutal honesty is the only thing that gets her attention. Sometimes the truth hurts, so be sure you want to hear it if you come looking for it from me.

I do want to wish all of the great mothers and those that take on a motherly (Aunts, grandmothers, sisters, stepmoms, cousins, nieces) role a Happy Mother’s Day!

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

**** Just an update****

Since the post went public yesterday, I have exchanged a few more private messages with my mother.

Just more of the same BS, of her not taking responsibility, not recognizing that her choices have consequences, nothing is ever her fault. After her last message this evening, I decided not to respond. I’m done! I have blocked her from Facebook as there is nothing more for me to say to her. She sees us (me, my brother, her sister and her brother) as the problem, as to why we don’t talk or visit with her. Funny thing is, we all talk to each other, she can’t admit that she is the common demoninator.

Anyway, just thought I’d share the most recent event for those inquiring minds.

 

 

 

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Amazon Kindle, Author News, Best Selling List, Book Promotion, Book Sales, Goodreads, Leave a Review, Self-Publishing

Free Kindle Promotion

Before my KDP enrollment ends in a few weeks, I’m taking advantage of the 3 days of Free Promotion that I have left.

My #metoo story was on two #1 Best Selling lists in two countries last month. All sales made before and after this Free promotion, 25% of all proceeds will be donated to RAINN. RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN does not endorse me or this book in any manner. I’m just one survivor doing what I can to help other survivors.

Take advantage of this Free Kindle offer April 26, April 27, and April 28. Please leave a review or a rating on Amazon or Goodreads.

Thank you for your support.

#MenToo, #MeToo, Abuse comes in many forms, Sexual Abuse, Shared Link, Speaking from Experience, Stigma/Taboo, Victims of sexual abuse/sexual assualt

Reasons why Family Members side with Sexual Abusers.

Welcome back blog readers,

I just came across this article on my Facebook news feed and felt that it’s worth sharing with all of you.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/reasons-family-members-side-with-sexual-abusers/?fbclid=IwAR1nfSWAZWvJrRIfRgdO0f0SBl2uGk5TrARWlnvnbOl5tImXALN5B_I7fBE

With all of the stories that have been coming out over the last year and all of the claims of sexual abuse that HAS taken place, I still don’t understand why there are still so many people that blatantly dismiss the vital information that we are sharing.

We’ve come forward, we’ve shared our experiences to help others recognize how abuse of this nature continues to happen and WHY many of us could not come forward right away. I’m beginning to feel like a broken record, repeating the same information over and over again.

I have been silenced for too long, so NO, I won’t stop talking about my experience nor will I stop sharing information that might help save another child from going through what I experienced. LISTEN UP!! I’m not writing and advocating to merely pass the time. We as a society, as families, as neighbors have allowed these sexual predators to get away with taking advantage our loved ones for far too long. When are we going to open our eyes and hold those involved accountable? When are we going to learn that staying silent (because it’s easier than to admit what really happened under our noses) is not the best way to handle these situations?

Can you not see that we’ve allowed sexual predators to continue their vile acts on other people, while their victims that need help, need support get shoved aside and cast out. Can’t you see how damaging that is? Wouldn’t you rather be a part of the solution and not help a sexual predator continue their vile acts on innocent kids?

Now, look at where we are… it’s 2019, and we have a president that openly admits that he’s been able to use his celebrity status to do whatever he wants to women. This same man had 20 women come forward all claiming some form of sexual misconduct had taken place before he entered the White House in 2016. Since his time as president, he has endorsed Brett Kavanaugh to Supreme Court Judge, he too had a woman come forward stating he had sexually assaulted her 30 years prior in high school.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/nov/27/christine-blasey-ford-security-donations-trauma-survivors

We all know how that turned out. When the president is a sexual predator, naturally he’s going to support any other of his kind and push their careers forward while he can. That’s how they work and how they’ve been able to stay under the radar for so long. Just look at the Catholic Churches. Hundreds of priests have been able to hide behind their religion for decades. So many claims have been coming forward, most are discarded and not given a second look. Why? Sexual predators show a different side to everyone they are not abusing. They are often charming, funny, just a super nice guy/lady that we couldn’t imagine them hurting anybody.

We need to stop turning a blind eye on people that hold a position of authority, an important place within our church, anyone with celebrity status because sexual predators come from all walks of life. They use their job to their advantage, some can afford to pay their victims to stay silent.

Have you ever wondered why sexual predators are housed together, away from the general population in prison? It’s for their safety, seriously! Even in prison, they are still being protected.

If you’ve read the article and have read everything up to this point, are you seeing the signs? Is this all making sense? Is there somebody that comes to mind, someone that checks all of these boxes?

Learn to recognize the signs of abuse and how to handle this type of situation if you or someone confides in you that they have been abused.

https://www.rainn.org/safety-prevention

I still firmly believe that those who are quick to defend an abuser is hiding something and you should be very cautious around them.

Consider yourself warned. ~ Hannah

Not the Popular Opinion, Religious Beliefs, Speaking from Experience, The World We Live In

Religion, it’s personal so keep it to yourself.

Religion icons set

Welcome back blog readers,

There are a handful of topics that get me fired up, and religious extremists are one of those topics. This is not going to be religion bashing post, because that would be disrespectful and it’s not at all the point that I’m trying to make.

Before I go any further, I should make the disclaimer that what you are about to read are my opinions based on my experiences. I do not follow any particular religion, I do not belong to any church. I’m simply offering a different perspective. I am not lost, nor do I need saving.

Lately, there are so many headlines on social media that have me shaking my head in what should be disbelief, but is sadly the new normal in society. Shame on us for allowing such things to happen.

Things like this:  https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/alabama-abortion-crime-pregnancy-trump-administration-us-a8854716.html?fbclid=IwAR3QY9xUsuWaEHkkMBZvqQOIhru1JH6IAv8NtRfov3gDAwWBHOQS-na_UXs

And this:  https://www.texasobserver.org/texas-lawmaker-no-abortion-access-would-force-women-to-be-more-personally-responsible-with-sex/?fbclid=IwAR1nrD9XjQzIcKvWNnHNQXwzLGu8rX8bb3WyxB3ulZ6_gK_qW_hu8QMtGrA

Yes, while on the outside it looks as though on the Republicans are taking credit for these new rules on controlling women and their bodies; if you look a little deeper, you’ll see that religion plays a part. These lawmakers are forcing their beliefs and views on society, and it’s not right.

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As I have said before, Religion has a time and place. Religion is personal and is not meant to rule the entire human race. There is not one religion to rule them all, just as your religion isn’t the only one that exists. While I don’t follow or put my faith in one particular religion, I do recognize that others do exist and I respect whichever one you seek comfort from or choose to follow. As long as you don’t push your beliefs on me, we won’t have a problem.

Laws and religion are supposed to be separate, but clearly, they are not. Laws are meant to protect citizens, keep the peace, not force us to conform to your religious beliefs because you don’t acknowledge any other religion but your own.

Religion should have NO place in the government, there should be no religious influence what so ever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all government officials have to be Atheists, I’m saying that religion should not be playing a factor in the lives of others.

Just as religion and public school should be separate. There are schools dedicated to various religious groups so those views should not be pushed on students that don’t practice or follow, it’s their choice.

As for the medical field, the government doesn’t need to get involved in every single aspect. Patients should be allowed to seek doctors or other medical/mental health professionals that they are comfortable with.  Patients have rights, click the link to read more from a reputable source.

https://www.who.int/genomics/public/patientrights/en/

When ethics and morality come into question, that’s where we tend to see religion pop up. Topics like abortion and physician-assisted deaths seem to trigger people. We have to respect that some medical professionals are not on board with performing either, that is fine. If these services are not something you believe in, that too is also fine. It doesn’t mean that other patients shouldn’t seek out these solutions if it’s in their best interest and there is a medical professional that is willing to help.

Please spare me your comments about how it’s Murder! That is your opinion, your opinion is not a fact. Abortions and Assisted Deaths should be a discussion for the patient and their doctor, your input carries NO weight. Just as my opinions about any medical procedure you want carries no weight.

Religion is personal, so keep it to yourself and mind your own business.

Acknowledge that more religions exist beyond Catholic and Christian, be respectful and stop pushing your views on other people.

If your religion promotes being mean and hating other humans based on their beliefs, gender, race, how they identify, then find a more peaceful religion.

Blindly following those that promote hate and racism never leads to anything positive.

That is all the time I have for today. ~ Hannah

 

 

 

 

 

Death/End of Life, Health Care, Shared Link

Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis

https://www.lung.ca/lung-health/lung-disease/idiopathic-pulmonary-fibrosis

https://cpff.ca/understanding-pf/

Due to the very recent passing of a family member that suffered from this illness, I thought it was worth sharing this information. Right now there is still much that doctors and researchers don’t know about Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. No known cause, no known cure. The fact that the symptoms mimic other pulmonary issues means it takes longer to diagnose while the trial/error process has to take place to eliminate what it’s not.

Meanwhile, the person suffering is slowly losing the ability to breathe on their own. What starts off as losing their breath while walking and doing normal activities that are not strenuous. Needing to take frequent breaks to sit and catch their breath, their breathing becomes more labored because their lungs are slowly losing their capacity (loss of volume over time). Walking from one room to the next becomes a chore. The use of carrying around an oxygen tank becomes the new normal and make sure you carry extra tanks when you are driving around. Portable tanks of oxygen evolve to large home units with 100 feet of hose to ensure that you can walk about your home.

You end up on 13 pills a day to help you, to counteract the side effects from other pills you have to take, to prevent you from getting diabetes, to thin your blood/skin, to ease the discomfort. To control the coughing that comes along with this illness taken along with a codeine/morphine cough syrup. You gain a ton of weight in the first 6 months, due to the pills, then you lose a ton of weight during the last 6 months, due to lack of appetite and probably the pills. You may be eligible to undergo routine infusions. Once the weight falls off, the muscles atrophy, you are too weak to walk around, standing causes you to feel faint, and you are barely mobile on your own. Hospice care is the best option at this point unless you have family or a personal support worker that can assist in your daily needs.

To anyone reading this that has a family member going through this or is currently suffering from Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, I am truly sorry. I know that it is not easy to witness a loved one slowly getting worse as their need for oxygen increases. Hopefully, there will be some new developments in the future.