Welcome back blog readers,
There is so much going on, I’m having a hard time knowing where to start. The only thing I can come up with is to ask, What the hell is going on? How did we allow ourselves to get here?
For now, those questions are rhetorical as I don’t expect an actual answer because there is so much that is wrong and while it’s apparent there is so much that is wrong, there seems to be no attempt to fix it. Just little band-aids here, a bit of duct tape there and that should hold… for now… we hope.
Let’s just dive right into this, shall we? In no particular order, and as usual, I’m just going to write off of the cuff, unfiltered as it comes to me.
We have thousands of immigrants being detained and families being forcefully separated at the southern border. There are stories coming out every day about how many children are being abused, neglected, not given medical attention, dying in the holding facilities, not allowed proper representation in the courtroom, and moved into an adult holding facility once they turn 18-years-old. The fact that many children were adopted within the USA seems odd and the fact that there are many statements that indicate that ICE has no idea which children belong to which parents is concerning.
It would be great if we could get news about what is really happening and what the plan of action is for those families. For now it’s just speculation.
The fact that social media doesn’t really share the truth mostly opinions, it’s difficult to find a reliable source for what is really happening versus which headline and twisted version of the truth will sell more copies or get more traffic. The news used to be dependable and unbiased, lately, not so much as all they seem to be interested in is the ratings and interaction or shock value, and less about the truth and what’s really happening.
Next on the list: Fact vs. Opinion
I am a supporter of Science, I believe the earth is round because it has been proven, there are pictures to prove that fact. I believe that Climate Change is a concern because the human population has increased significantly in the last 100 years, 500 years, since the Ice Age. Humans create heat so logic would dictate that as the human population increases, so would our surrounding area. More humans mean that we are clearing more land, losing trees, ruining creature habitats, and going through resources at a faster rate. Let’s be honest, we are not as eco-friendly as we should be; if anything we are creating more ways to pollute and be wasteful.
It’s getting to the point where it’s becoming more tempting to live off of the grid and take a page from Amish living. Modest, downsize, grow enough food for yourself and live tax-free.
Following along with the Fact vs. Opinion theme:
To vaccinate or not to vaccinate… To protect yourself and others against Measles, Mumps, Typhoid, Polio, and other incurable diseases that can be avoided or risk taking the chance to becoming infected or infecting others that don’t have a healthy immune system like newborns, the elderly, those undergoing chemotherapy or have an autoimmune disease.
This is where the right to choose gets muddled. While I do have my opinions on this matter, I will refrain from preaching and hope that you all know enough to do what’s right because it’s not always about you.
I’ll just encourage you to do the research and get the advice from professionals and ask yourself why certain diseases have made a huge comeback when up until 5-10 years ago there were significantly fewer cases.
Moving right along… How can the USA continue to claim to be the land of the FREE when the rights of its citizens are being taken away?
Those that are able-bodied pass the physical exam and want to serve their country can’t due to fear. Not from fear that they have, but rather the fear of homophobics and transphobics. Members of the LGBTQ community have been serving right along until the recent ban. Rather than banning members of the LGBTQ community from serving, how about banning all phobics from serving as they are the problem.
What am I saying? The bullies never get punished, it’s the victim that is always forced to quit, move, transfer, resign, get demoted and feel that somehow they are wrong or the problem. I’m not a stranger to being bullied as I have endured my fair share of it throughout my life. At school, in the workplace, online and it sucks. Especially when you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re the one that gets punished, it’s very frustrating.
Having your opinions is one thing when they don’t interfere with the lives of other people. Color your hair, try a new hairstyle, put pineapple on your pizza, invest in real estate instead of putting your money in stocks. No harm was done and you have the freedom to choose. That is all the rest of us want, the freedom to choose what is best for us.
Why are there so many people that feel the need to cram religion down the throats of others and push their beliefs into the laws that affect EVERYONE? Religion is PERSONAL, not UNIVERSAL! If your religion says not to eat pork, then don’t eat pork, don’t force everyone to stop eating pork. Your religion is not the only religion, the higher power that you pray to is not the only higher power, just be respectful and mind your own business.
The fact that religion is creeping more and more into the government, public schools, and the health care system is not what is best for everyone. Making choices for you based on your religion is great… for YOU! Forcing me to follow your beliefs goes against my religion. That is why there should be a separation of church and state, and separation for church and public school, and church and medical care. While you might not accept that transgender folks might want surgery to change their body, let that be their choice, not yours.
You may not believe in abortions, that is fine, don’t have one. I believe that women have their reasons for wanting one, they will be the one to live with that choice. Not you, not me, but them. Let women choose and don’t make her feel shitty about it. If you believe she will go to hell or that all those in the LGBTQ community are going to hell (for merely existing), that is not your business. Stop inserting yourself and your beliefs into the lives of thousands of others that didn’t ask for your opinion.
In recent news… Privilege, Bribes and Lack of Merit.
Parents and celebrities are getting arrested for paying off colleges to have their kids admitted because, well because they can. We wonder why there is such an issue with entitlement, nobody is wondering, we all see it. If you have enough money you can pay off just about anybody to get in or out of just about any situation. Politics, Presidency, Prison, Ivy League College.
I want to see some accountability!!! It’s hard to make the changes that need to be made when the rules don’t apply to everyone and exceptions are made for the elite. Reading the stories of injustice day after day, week after week has me thinking that we are not going to get ourselves out from the mess that we created. We have left the era of community and it taking a village, now we are allowing greed to take over and it’s not pretty. It’s only going to get worse. We have lost sight about what it means to come together and have reverted back to every man for himself.
I know, not my most chipper post, but I needed to get it out of my system.
Welcome back blog readers,
Let me start off by saying, that if you are FOR/PRO the wall, then you may as well stop reading.
I’m so tired of hearing about this stupid and unnecessary “Wall” of hate. There is no way that Mexico is paying for it, nor should they be expected to fund it. The American people (the majority of us) aren’t going to pay for it (willingly). Trump himself and all of his millions don’t seem eager to fund his own project. So that leaves us exactly where we are now, no funding, no plans, no blueprints = NO WALL.
Finally, somebody is finally saying what we have all been thinking.
Trump’s decision to force the government to shutdown is the equivalent to a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. He’s just holding the American people hostage until he gets his way. Meanwhile, while many government-supported services like TSA, Air Traffic Control, NASA and Homeland Security are working with a skeleton crew, those that are showing up to work are not getting paid until AFTER the shutdown. According to Trump, this shutdown could last months, even years until he gets what he wants.
The irony over this shutdown is over security, meanwhile, there is a complete lack of security throughout the nation. Trump is so concerned over the idea that Mexicans and Central Americans will cross the border illegally that he’s willing to jeopardize the entire country, force government workers to continue working without pay, families are in danger of losing their homes, single moms on welfare can’t get food stamps.
Does it occur to Trump that getting over a Wall is not the only means of entering the United States. People are allowed to drive across the border to shop, to visit, to spend the weekend. People can book a flight across the border, they can travel by train or greyhound, let’s not forget that people can also travel by boat or other watercraft. Having the biggest Wall at the southern border would be useless. As Trump as stated himself in 2004… About 12:30 in.
People that are trying to cross the southern border aren’t doing so because they want to harm anyone. They are not all killers, rapist, terrorist, in fact, many are families and children hoping to make a better life for themselves. Yes, there is a right way to do that. Instead of building a WALL to keep people out (Americans in); why not build several immigration centers to HELP families that want to start over, want to work, want to feel safe as they are escaping worse conditions in Central America. Let’s not assume all of those migrating are Mexican, they are not.
Not only should we set up immigration centers to assist those families that are refugees, but rather than detaining children and separating them from their parents, we should consider building temporary housing near the border because that would be the HUMANE way to treat people and help keep families TOGETHER. Not keep them in cages, fire tear gas at them or assault them when they are unarmed with child in tow.
Let’s be honest… America is housing hundreds of thousands of CRIMINALS that are US citizens. Criminals of all shapes, sizes, colors and ethnicity. They are not all black, African American, Hispanic, Latino, Mexican or other minority because there are plenty of white males and females that also deserve to be in there.
Yes, of course, protect the borders and ensure that those coming in and going out have the proper documentation, I’m not arguing that point. My point is, what good is a giant wall that spans the entire length of the southern border if we don’t have enough border agents to patrol every inch of it 24 hours each day 365 days each year. I’d imagine that they too would require housing close to the border. Why not spend more money on creating jobs that protect the southern border, than a wall that will only be damaged, covered in graffiti and need to be maintained. To me it just seems like a huge waste of resources when that kind of money (if it gets raised) could be put to better use.
There are US citizens in need of financial assistance, housing assistance, homeless, sick, and an entire city that still needs clean water (FLINT, MICHIGAN). Spending billions on a wall because the President “wants” one and for the notion of “feeling safe” doesn’t justify shutting down the government and making the USA more vulnerable to attacks or forcing government employees to work without pay (to be paid eventually) isn’t what the majority of Americans want. Kind of like when Trump was elected, it wasn’t what the MAJORITY of Americans wanted. Again, just being honest.
Clearly, I’m not for the wall, was never for the wall, nor would I feel safe if a wall was built as there are plenty of evil doers north of the southern border, I include Trump as an evil doer. I can’t help but feel that all of the focus on the wall is another means of distracting us from another sneaky bill that will be passed while we’re too busy looking the other way.
We’ve heard from the government a few times that they will not negotiate with terrorists, so why is this any different. Trump is playing the part perfectly, making outrageous demands that he knows can’t be met. The government doesn’t get paid by the president, they get paid by us, the people, the taxpayers. I say they should continue working as they normally would. Ignore the tantrum and Trump will have to find another way to soothe himself and his oversized ego.
My rant is over, carry on…..
Domestic violence isn’t always visible. There may be no outward signs of abuse, no visits to the ER—but violence can still be occurring. It’s important for victims of domestic violence to understand t…
Source: What is Domestic Violence?
I’m back to talk about consent, boundaries and believing survivors. I will keep talking about this because there are still so many people that are quick to judge survivors for coming forward. These people are so quick to judge for one of two reasons, perhaps both apply.
Reason one: They have been fortunate to have never experienced any form of sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, molested, raped. Reason two: They support an abuser, sexual predator or they are a sexual predator which makes me think we should pay particular attention to those that bash victims.
I will point out that those sexual predators that are convicted of rape/sexual abuse are housed together in prison, away from the general population for THEIR protection. Why do you think that is? Even murderers, members of gangs and the rest of those in Gen Pop find rapists disgusting, less than human scumbags. I’ll let that sink in. This is not my opinion, this is a FACT.
I know what’s coming next, Where’s your proof, Hannah? How can you say such things without proof? This is exactly what I’ve had to deal with in a recent twitter war when I made the statement that sexual predators stick together/protect each other in a tweet that mentioned Trump was in full support of Kavanaugh. I also made the comparison that this type of behavior is how the churches have been able to get away with abusing so many kids, they protect each other, turn a blind eye and cover it up.
The twitter poster and I exchanged six or seven comments each, to which he (I assume it was a he I was dealing with) kept insisting that I show “PROOF.” Honestly, it was like having a conversation with a toddler that keeps asking Why. First of all, I don’t need proof to form an opinion, I know that won’t sit well with some of you, but hear me out. Opinions are NOT based on facts, opinions are personal preferences much like trying to agree on pizza toppings. No one is right or wrong, it’s based on preference or in the case of pizza, a matter of taste.
If I had come out with “I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT TRUMP IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR,” then yes I better cite my sources and have proof to back it up. My opinions are based on interviews Trump has given, statements he has made on the record and as a person that has endured several accounts of sexual abuse and sexual harassment, I recognize certain behaviors/phrases that are common with sexual predators. That is why I feel strongly that Trump is a sexual predator. I will not apologize, I will not retract my statement. Trump supporters lose their minds when their orange idol has something not so nice being said about him. Honestly, he does that to himself.
If you’re a regular follower of this blog, then you have a good idea as to the many reasons why victims don’t come forward right away. There are people that still don’t grasp those reasons and think the sole reason that some of us come forward many years later is for a big payout.
Let me make this as clear as possible… Those of us that have been sexually assaulted, sexually abused, raped or molested feel too ashamed, too embarrassed, too scared to admit that we had been taken advantage of, that we had been violated. We don’t want to call attention to ourselves knowing how we will be judged and made to feel after we do share our experience. Society has made sure to shame us, make us think that we are crazy, try to convince us that we are not remembering the event correctly.
It’s ironic, the fact that there is so much pressure and emphasis to have a witness, to which there rarely is a witness, yet somehow those who don’t know us, they weren’t there seem to have an opinion as to how things went down. THIS IS A PROBLEM!!!!!
Countless survivors have come forward, we speak up which takes a great deal of courage, WE WERE THERE, yet we are not believed, we are made to relive our trauma over, and over, and over. Believe me when I say that when we do come forward, we are not doing it for the fame and fortune. We come forward when we are ready. We come forward when we see an abuser looking to gain a position of power, and we feel it is our civic duty to come forward with information that should help keep them from gaining that advantage. You’re welcome… None of us are thanked for coming forward. Instead, we are met with disbelief and instant accusations of being gold diggers. Some of us will never come forward, and that’s okay too. Our actions to come forward are not an act of seeking revenge, but more about trying to prevent our abuser to continue abusing others or making laws that take away our rights.
I see that I’ve gone off topic slightly…
I realize that the concept of consent is confusing for many people, so I’ll do my best to clear that up. Consent, as it applies to engaging in sexual activities, means that both partners agree that it is okay to keep going. Getting consent is the equivalent of getting a YES or a similar phrase that lets you know that your partner is on board, you have permission.
Where this gets muddled is when a couple starts off with consent and one partner changes their mind (for whatever reason) and they say NO, STOP, I’m NOT READY or any phrase/action like pulling away that is a clear indicator to STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. If you are on the receiving end of a NO, this is not personal and is not a reflection of you in any way. Respect that NO means NO. If you love your partner and truly care and respect them, you will stop and acknowledge their boundaries. If you insist on continuing what you’ve started, now forcing your partner to continue against their free will, you have crossed a line that you can not come back from. You are a rapist.
If you don’t want to be known as a rapist, or you don’t want to register on the list of sex offenders, then don’t force someone to take part in sexual activities against their will. It’s that simple.
What about teenagers that are experimenting? NO means NO.
What about when an 18-year-old is dating a 16-year-old? In most areas, 16 is the legal age for consent. Still, NO means NO.
What about when an 18-year-old is dating a 15-year-old? The 18-year-old is taking a huge risk, and NO still means NO.
What about a married couple, there’s got to be an exception made for that, right? No exception here. Your spouse doesn’t owe you anything. Being married doesn’t give you a free pass to have your way with them. This is known as Domestic Sexual Abuse and NO still means NO. If you find yourself in this position, your spouse is not respecting your boundaries and continues to treat you as their personal sex slave, GET OUT of that marriage if counseling doesn’t work and the marriage is not salvageable.
I have endured this type of abuse as well, it is very real and often is not viewed as rape, when it is exactly rape. Your spouse should want to engage willingly, not made to lay there and take it because they owe you or you feel it falls under the “for better or for worse” section of your vows. Find another way to get out your pent up frustration/aggression and leave your spouse alone. Learn to accept the phrase “Not Tonight, or Not Now” as NO.
A person that truly loves you and respects you will not take advantage of you or make you feel like shit for saying NO.
What about casual sex? Casual sex is perfectly fine as long as consent is freely given by both parties. Agree on a safe word if that helps to establish a level of comfort and honor that.
How can I avoid being accused of rape? Don’t force yourself in a sexual manner on someone else. Don’t continue any sexual activity when your partner says NO, Stop, pulls away, changes their mind in the middle of what is happening. If your partner breaks down in tears, shows signs of being scared or nervous, respect their boundaries. Don’t give in to peer pressure or to the idea that all of the cool kids are doing it, so should you.
Have respect for yourself as well as respect for your partner.
Don’t drug your partner (or potential partner). Don’t take advantage of a person while they are intoxicated, even if they appear to be of sound mind at that time. Don’t go in for a sneak attack and catch another person off guard by putting your hands on them and touching/groping/fondling them. That is not appropriate and unacceptable behavior, and chances are, you did not get consent to do so. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I will. KIDS ARE ALWAYS OFF LIMITS. The short answer is, if you don’t want to be accused of rape, then don’t be a rapist.
Rape is not a result of what the female was wearing. Rape is not the result of a woman jogging alone, minding her business as she tries to stay fit. I actually read a comment from a guy that claimed that if you don’t want to get raped, avoid being alone with a man. What the actual HELL!!!! It’s statements like this that make me think this guy is a rapist. Similar statements have been made by the president of the USA. So what, women now and forever need to use a buddy system and all men are not to be trusted to keep their hands to themselves? That is the message he is sending on the post he started about why he doesn’t believe survivors.
The act of rape is not accidental, it is done with intent. I will not budge on that statement.
Our sex drives are not equal, not all humans crave sexual interaction 24/7? While yes, males tend to have a higher sex drive and tend to crave it more often. Just as there are many women that have the same urges/needs. Some of us have a sex drive that is somewhere in the middle, and some of us are content with having less sexual interactions. All of which are normal by the way, so don’t let someone make you feel that you are inadequate in any way.
If you find that you do crave sexual interaction frequently to the point where your day is often disrupted, please consider seeking help as you may have an addiction. I’m not judging or shaming, just pointing out that it is a possibility.
This is not a male bashing post. I recognize that boys/men are also victims and come forward less often than females do, and that’s okay. Sometimes it only takes one survivor to come forward to make a difference. Sometimes the courage of that one survivor will encourage other survivors to come forward. Think about that next time a highly influential person is accused of rape, and several victims come forward to stand together for support as they seek justice. Not having the courage to be in the public stoplight and having their name in headlines is not an indicator that they were not sexually assaulted. Acknowledge the fact that they came forward as proof against their abuser.
Learn to RESPECT Boundaries, Learn to RESPECT yourself, Give CONSENT freely, Get CONSENT, any sign of hesitation from you or your partner is an automatic NO. You don’t owe anybody anything nor should anyone feel that they are owed.
Otherwise, I have to assume that you support sexual predators and you are part of the problem.
#MeToo, #MenToo, #KidsToo, #IBelieveSurvivors
Welcome back blog readers,
In this blog post, I’d like to talk about the wide range of sentencing that a sexual abuser may face. When I say wide range I mean anywhere from getting off with community service and probation (Provincial/State level) up to 20 years plus paying fines (Federal level). While I haven’t researched all aspects from all over the world, I am focusing on Canada and the United States.
The sentencing for “Inappropriate Touching” which includes:
- Touching the buttocks, under the influence of alcohol – 4 months
- Digital penetration – 6 months
- Fondling and undressing a victim – 9 months
- Sexual assault, forced oral sex, fondling under clothes, physical assault, stripping clothes off and forced intercourse, touching a child sexually, forced masturbation – 1 to 5 years
The sentencing for “Full Intercourse” includes:
- Abusers that have prior attempts/records of violence – 6 months to 10 years
- Forcing sex on sleeping victims, victims were drugged, date rape, Breaking/Entering and forcing intercourse – 6 months to 10 years
- Sexual assault when the abuser is HIV+ 2 years
In California, a sexual assault conviction ranges from 24 months to 48 months in prison and may include a $10,000 fine. New York considers this to be a Class D felony and offers a minimum of 1 year up to a maximum of 7 years. Federal law has a maximum of 20 years and those convicted must pay fines to their victim to help cover expenses that are directly related to the crime such as; medical care, physical therapy, attorney fees.
I know that the judge, jury and even the police officer have to determine the details and figure out what actually took place. Was it just two teenagers engaging in sex that started out with consent and one of them changed their mind? Was it a case where a 16-year-old is dating a 20-year-old and the parents of the teenager are upset even though consent was given freely? Was the inappropriate touching over the clothes a mistaken case of clumsiness? My point is that in many cases there is a grey area especially if there aren’t any witnesses to back up either side of the story.
My issue is when the case is cut and dry, there is a witness or proof that there is a victim of sexual assault and the other person is denying it happened, especially if the victim is a child. When are we as a society going to hold people accountable? Sexual contact with a child is a NO-NO that will never change and I don’t care what the legal age of consent is. I’m looking at you Mexico… I’d like to see a minimum of a 10-year sentence for cases where there is no question about what took place.
Sexual contact with your family is off limits, sexual contact with a person that is passed out drunk or impaired is off limits, sexual contact with a person that can’t give their consent (mentally disabled, under the influence of drugs, sleeping, heavily medicated) is off limits. I shouldn’t have to state the obvious, but clearly, there are those that can’t distinguish right from wrong or they feel that it’s perfectly acceptable to take advantage of people when they are vulnerable. No means NO even if that no comes from your spouse. Being married doesn’t mean that you can have your way with your spouse anytime you want.
Having a minimum sentence of 10 years for the cases that don’t have a grey area and making it the standard might help potential abusers keep their filthy hands to themselves. While the victim can have peace of mind (if you want to call it that) that their abuser is in prison for at least 10 years, it’s the taxpayers that are helping to pay for their stay, food, medical care. Most sexual predators get placed together ( as a means of keeping them safe) because in the mind of criminals being a sexual predator is worse than evading taxes, drug dealing, and murder, which is really saying something.
Why don’t we consider putting a system in place where the sexual predators once in prison have to make monthly payments to cover the expenses to their victim? Not like a direct deposit because that would only get abused. But rather the money collected would go into a fund with money collected from other sexual predators and the money is used to help the victims to pay any medical expenses (due to the trauma), pay for therapy, pay for attorney fees. While the prisoner may be unable to make payments while in prison, they should be forced to pay the money back to the government much like a loan once they get out, or like child support but for victim support.
Many victims don’t get the help they deserve, they often don’t seek therapy or have health coverage to offset the expenses from their attack. They don’t get compensated for their pain/suffering or time away from work. This system could also work for murder cases and provide assistance to help the family of the victim with grief counseling, wake/funeral services.
We need to hold people with authority/position of power accountable. Sadly greed plays a huge factor and those sexual predators that are affluent or have a celebrity status like to pay off various people that can influence the outcome as it pertains to the punishment. In some cases, they get off pretty easy and they are back home, back to school, back to work in a few months. Shameful!
I know that some of you might think that once a person is convicted for being a sexual predator, they have to register as a sex offender in the area that they choose to live and that label should be punishment enough. I disagree. If you don’t want to be labeled as a sex offender, then keep your hands to yourself and don’t be a sex offender. But what about those that make false claims with the intention of blackmail or revenge? Those who make false claims should also be punished with more than community service. Those who make false claims intend to benefit in some way and they make it harder for actual victims to be taken seriously and get the help they need.
In any case I think there need to be changes to the criminal justice system and harsher sentencing should be considered and enforced. Those helping to protect a sexual predator ( a person paid to look the other way, a person paid to influence the outcome) is also part of the problem.
I’m tired of seeing these sexual predators being allowed back into the public after a few months. They can’t be trusted not to keep their hands to themselves, they haven’t learned anything except that I’m rich, my family is rich and I can do what I want.