Category: Criminal Justice

#MenToo, #MeToo, Crime/Punishment, Criminal Justice, Not the Popular Opinion, Sexual Abuse, Speaking from Experience, Stigma/Taboo, Victims of sexual abuse/sexual assualt

Coming Forward, Are you ready?

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******* TRIGGER WARNING*******

This blog post will touch on topics of coming forward, speaking up and what that means as a survivor of sexual abuse/assault. While I won’t go into detail, the topic in itself may be triggering for many survivors. It is not my intention to trigger, only to inform. Continue reading at your own risk.

 

I’m feeling inspired this morning after I came across a social media post from a survivor seeking advice from those that have come forward about their abuse. This person is seriously considering coming forward, filing a report against her abuser and is looking for support.

My personal thoughts on this matter, I fully support her decision and know first hand just how difficult this is.

Could you imagine if all survivors took immediate action against their abuser(s)? A society where we could come forward, be believed, not have to relive our trauma over and over as we explain in full detail the vile acts that we were forced to endure. A society that wasn’t corrupt and the sexual predators weren’t protected but rather all given a minimum of 15 years in prison with no chance of early release, no special privileges. Imagine if that punishment was universal in every State, Province, and Country. The same sentencing should be imposed upon those who knowingly make false claims.  I do imagine this and I think the acts of sexual violence would decrease because of harsher punishments with no wiggle room to bribe down to a lesser sentence.

The reality is, that’s never going to happen. Greed and corruption exist, not all humans possess the qualities of integrity and accountability; sadly I don’t see things changing for the better anytime soon.

The best opportunity for a survivor to come forward is within 48 hours of the encounter. This small window of time is the only chance to retrieve any evidence that may be present/left behind. Having the courage to get yourself  (or get someone to drive you) to the local hospital is your best chance to ensure that your abuser(s) gets taken into custody.

Without evidence (physical, video, audio) a witness or another survivor that is willing to speak up, the odds of a survivor being taken seriously rapidly decrease. It’s now a matter of a “He said, She said” scenario and it becomes more difficult to prove/prosecute.

Coming forward is especially difficult if there is a Statute of Limitations that prevents survivors from reporting the crime against them after 7, 10, 15 years after it took place. It is frustrating when we process trauma differently and for many of us, our brain has protected us by hiding that trauma for 15+ years. We weren’t aware that a crime against us had been committed until it’s too late. Where’s the justice in that? There isn’t any!

Coming forward within the 48-hour window doesn’t ensure that the brave survivor is granted a “happily ever after” ending. Coming forward doesn’t just affect the life of the survivor, but in most cases affects the lives of those around them. That idea alone is enough for many of us to not come forward at all, especially when the abuser is a family member.

Does coming forward about the abuse you endured make you selfish? Absolutely NOT!

Does coming forward about the abuse you endured come across as “Seeking Attention”? Absolutely NOT!

Yet so many of us are made to believe the opposite is true. That’s because those that are making us feel that way are scared, afraid and don’t want to deal with the aftermath, the judgments, the whispers, the rumors and the hardships that will most definitely follow.

Should that guilt be enough for us survivors to stay quiet and keep our mouths shut? That is up to the survivor. I can’t answer that and speak for everyone.

I was told that there would be “consequences” should I choose to speak up and tell my “story”. I was 9 years and my mother who walked in on my last encounter with her boyfriend was in complete denial. She didn’t believe me even though she witnessed it happening. I knew that this moment was my opportunity to speak up and tell her everything. That wasn’t enough, she was still siding with “him”. I was told that if I was ready to deal with the “consequences” that she would drive me to the hospital and that I would have to endure some very uncomfortable tests and there would be questions that I had to answer truthfully.

I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong, I wasn’t the one lying to my mother about what she walked in on. I had no reason to be punished. I knew that if I couldn’t prove to my mother that I was telling the truth, the abuse would continue and her boyfriend might actually follow through with the death threats he made against my younger brother and mother. How could things get worse for me than they already were at that moment?

The testing and procedures performed at the hospital to collect the evidence took place, not one of my favorite moments. I still have a hard (emotional) time at every OBGYN appointment some 30+ years later. But I knew it had to be done, not just to prove my abuser wrong, but to help protect myself and my brother from possible harm. Also to ensure this bastard doesn’t hurt another little girl. I couldn’t live with that guilt, knowing that I could have done something and didn’t.

The consequences of coming forward appeared shortly after, while still at the hospital. Due to the nature of the crime, me being a minor and the doctors were convinced that my mother was not going to break off the relationship (they weren’t wrong); Child Services were called along with the local police detectives. Long story, short. My brother and I were placed in foster care that evening. What was supposed to be for the weekend, turned into a few weeks, that turned into a few more months. I entered the foster system at age 9 and never got out until I aged out of the system.

Sure, I pressed charges against my abuser and had my day in court. The evidence was tested and obviously came back as his, he was sentenced to 10 years in prison. A small victory for me. My younger brother was completely innocent, had never been abused, had no idea what was going on. He didn’t know what was happening or know why we couldn’t go home. I fought for him, pleaded that he should get to go home.

Being 9 years old and not fully understanding the whole picture.

We later learned that our mother was still visiting her boyfriend (my abuser) in prison. It was those secret visits that caused her to lose her parental rights. We were close to coming home (after 4.5 years). After the proof, after all that I endured and sacrificed to protect myself and my brother, this was how I was rewarded. This was my consequence and my brother was an innocent bystander.

Was Justice served? YES. I got to the hospital, evidence was collected and used to put my abuser away for 10 years. One less sexual predator out in public.

Was the outcome what I had hoped? Not in a million years. I can only be accountable for myself, and I did just that. I didn’t do anything to be ashamed of. Just ashamed to have a mother that didn’t believe me and kept putting my abuser before her kids.

My mother has failed me on several occasions, but that’s a story for another day. The best thing she did was to allow me to make my own choice and drive me to the hospital that morning.

While the situations are similar, there are many variables to consider if you are thinking about coming forward/speaking up about the abuse you endured. As much as I love the idea of all survivors coming forward, I know that many can’t, some aren’t aware that they should. All of which is okay, just know that I support your choice.

For anyone considering coming forward:

  • Do so when you are ready, not because you are feeling pressured.
  • Be prepared to relive your trauma and share your story several times to several people. It’s mentally exhausting.
  • Without evidence or witnesses, filing a police report is still helpful. Should another survivor report the same abuser, that might be enough to prosecute.
  • Most importantly, Know that you didn’t do anything to deserve this. The abuse you endured was not your fault in any way.
  • Start your healing process when you are ready, not because the court mandates it. When YOU are ready.
  • You are not alone. There are many support groups that you can join, even online to help you process what you’re feeling. There is no shame in seeking support. Nobody understands better than someone who’s been through it.
  • For the Parents of a child that comes forward- bring them to the hospital- be supportive no matter the outcome- Protecting your child comes FIRST- Be the adult they need you to be, hold the abusers accountable, no matter who it turns out to be.

Coming forward and reporting the abuse that you endured isn’t easy on so many levels. The courage and bravery required to speak up doesn’t come easy. When you finally do, it’s possible that your claims aren’t taken seriously or they are dismissed as a misunderstanding, especially without proof/evidence. Even with proof and there is no shadow of a doubt, the aftermath is unpredictable. One thing is for sure, you won’t get a Thank You and your efforts won’t get recognized, because it’s not seen as heroic when it most certainly is.

If the TV and Movies have taught us one thing, it’s that in this world, there are Heroes and Criminals/Villians. Heroes help to put the Criminals away, Heroes protect the innocent. This seems to be an acceptable norm, except when it comes to sexual abuse. Sexual Predators are often disguised, hiding in plain sight right under our noses, posing as heroes. Sexual Predators have infiltrated many positions of power and they use that position of power as a means of protection. Now, these Criminals are able to protect other criminals and the Heroes are the ones that suffer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abuse comes in many forms, Crime/Punishment, Criminal Justice, Government, Immigrants, Not the Popular Opinion, Religious Beliefs, The World We Live In

A Cornucopia of WTFs

reinbeckstudio

Welcome back blog readers,

I know that I haven’t been posting in a few weeks. Life gets busy, I’m not always inspired, and not everything is worthy of sharing.

Those of you that follow me on Facebook know that I am doing my best not to comment or share anything about #45. Which is difficult as he attributes to many WTF moments and thoughts. I don’t like contributing to making stupid people famous, or in this case, more famous as I find that sharing only does more harm than good.

WTF topic #1: WTF is really going on at the southern border?

The only news that seems to be shared is that the large migrant caravan has made it to the U.S border, families have been separated/detained. Several immigrants have died, including infants/toddlers and those humanitarians that want to help are being arrested for trying to bring water and necessities.

We are shown many pictures of detained people sleeping on the concrete with aluminum foil blankets, and they are being denied basic hygienic products like soap and toothpaste. There are many claims of children being abused, it’s just choas. Nobody is allowed to go in to verify the wellbeing of those detainees, and they are being treated worse than convicted felons in prison.

Do we know if any of the families are actually being processed to allow them safe/legal entry?

If the U.S knew (which I have to assume they did know) that they would not treat these families with humanity, why didn’t they simply turn them away or give them the option to turn around leave? Let them know what life would be like for them, let them know they would be separated from their kids/spouse, sleep on concrete for months, possibly indefinitely. Let those people decide which personal hell is worse.

WTF is Mexico doing to help their citizens? Is the government offering to help keep them safe should they want to go back/leave the detention area? The news coverage on that seems a bit sparse.

 

WTF topic #2: Why are rapists and pedophiles not SERVING the TIME they DESERVE?!?!?!

You know this topic gets my blood boiling. Time after time, no matter how many of us come forward with the truth, share our most profound shame, these assholes rarely serve two years in prison.

It seems like every week, there is a new headline of an accused sexual predator that has abused multiple people or one person over several years under the noses of their peers.  They are offered a plea deal, a slap on the wrist, community service because an actual GUILTY plea would ruin their life, their career, their chance at a scholarship. Well BOO fucking HOO!

The life of their victim(s) are ruined forever, life for them will never be the same. These sexual predators shouldn’t be allowed to be back in public, not ever.

What’s worse is that now we have Judges, Lawyers, Prisons, and Religious nut jobs that protect these sexual predators. I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it, Once in prison, rapists are housed together away from Gen Pop, for their protection. Let that sink in!

I’ve also read many headlines that suggest that getting raped is “God’s Will.” Seriously WT actual F! If your god/religion teaches this, get a new religion.

Which is a good segway into the WTF topic #3: Child Brides/ Claiming religion makes it okay to not have morals.

I don’t care if the parent’s consent, the legal age of marriage should be universal worldwide at a minimum of 18. If you are not old enough to buy alcohol, sign a lease or other legal binding contract on your own, VOTE, open a bank account then in my eyes and in the eyes of many you are too young to consent to the marriage.

Men that seek child brides are pedophiles. PERIOD. Sex with a child is still rape, you will never change my mind on that. You can claim that they are your spouse all that you want, that doesn’t change the fact that they are too young to consent, and I don’t care that the parents agreed, they too are part of the problem and should be ashamed.

Religion should not violate human rights.

 

That is all of the time I have today. This post is one that I will update anytime I have a WFT topic to vent about. Chances are, you’ll see this post pop up as I update it.

Crime/Punishment, Criminal Justice, Immigrants, Politics, The World We Live In, Venting

Setting ourselves up to Self Destruct.

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Depositphotos_67771567_m-2015

Welcome back blog readers,

There is so much going on, I’m having a hard time knowing where to start. The only thing I can come up with is to ask, What the hell is going on? How did we allow ourselves to get here?

For now, those questions are rhetorical as I don’t expect an actual answer because there is so much that is wrong and while it’s apparent there is so much that is wrong, there seems to be no attempt to fix it. Just little band-aids here, a bit of duct tape there and that should hold… for now… we hope.

Let’s just dive right into this, shall we? In no particular order, and as usual, I’m just going to write off of the cuff, unfiltered as it comes to me.

We have thousands of immigrants being detained and families being forcefully separated at the southern border. There are stories coming out every day about how many children are being abused, neglected, not given medical attention, dying in the holding facilities, not allowed proper representation in the courtroom, and moved into an adult holding facility once they turn 18-years-old. The fact that many children were adopted within the USA seems odd and the fact that there are many statements that indicate that ICE has no idea which children belong to which parents is concerning.

It would be great if we could get news about what is really happening and what the plan of action is for those families. For now it’s just speculation.

The fact that social media doesn’t really share the truth mostly opinions, it’s difficult to find a reliable source for what is really happening versus which headline and twisted version of the truth will sell more copies or get more traffic. The news used to be dependable and unbiased, lately, not so much as all they seem to be interested in is the ratings and interaction or shock value, and less about the truth and what’s really happening.

Next on the list: Fact vs. Opinion

I am a supporter of Science, I believe the earth is round because it has been proven, there are pictures to prove that fact. I believe that Climate Change is a concern because the human population has increased significantly in the last 100 years, 500 years, since the Ice Age. Humans create heat so logic would dictate that as the human population increases, so would our surrounding area. More humans mean that we are clearing more land, losing trees, ruining creature habitats, and going through resources at a faster rate. Let’s be honest, we are not as eco-friendly as we should be; if anything we are creating more ways to pollute and be wasteful.

It’s getting to the point where it’s becoming more tempting to live off of the grid and take a page from Amish living. Modest, downsize, grow enough food for yourself and live tax-free.

Following along with the Fact vs. Opinion theme:

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate… To protect yourself and others against Measles, Mumps, Typhoid, Polio, and other incurable diseases that can be avoided or risk taking the chance to becoming infected or infecting others that don’t have a healthy immune system like newborns, the elderly, those undergoing chemotherapy or have an autoimmune disease.

This is where the right to choose gets muddled. While I do have my opinions on this matter, I will refrain from preaching and hope that you all know enough to do what’s right because it’s not always about you.

I’ll just encourage you to do the research and get the advice from professionals and ask yourself why certain diseases have made a huge comeback when up until 5-10 years ago there were significantly fewer cases.

Moving right along… How can the USA continue to claim to be the land of the FREE when the rights of its citizens are being taken away?

Those that are able-bodied pass the physical exam and want to serve their country can’t due to fear. Not from fear that they have, but rather the fear of homophobics and transphobics. Members of the LGBTQ community have been serving right along until the recent ban. Rather than banning members of the LGBTQ community from serving, how about banning all phobics from serving as they are the problem.

What am I saying? The bullies never get punished, it’s the victim that is always forced to quit, move, transfer, resign, get demoted and feel that somehow they are wrong or the problem. I’m not a stranger to being bullied as I have endured my fair share of it throughout my life. At school, in the workplace, online and it sucks. Especially when you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re the one that gets punished, it’s very frustrating.

Having your opinions is one thing when they don’t interfere with the lives of other people. Color your hair, try a new hairstyle, put pineapple on your pizza, invest in real estate instead of putting your money in stocks. No harm was done and you have the freedom to choose. That is all the rest of us want, the freedom to choose what is best for us.

Why are there so many people that feel the need to cram religion down the throats of others and push their beliefs into the laws that affect EVERYONE? Religion is PERSONAL, not UNIVERSAL! If your religion says not to eat pork, then don’t eat pork, don’t force everyone to stop eating pork. Your religion is not the only religion, the higher power that you pray to is not the only higher power, just be respectful and mind your own business.

The fact that religion is creeping more and more into the government, public schools, and the health care system is not what is best for everyone. Making choices for you based on your religion is great… for YOU! Forcing me to follow your beliefs goes against my religion. That is why there should be a separation of church and state, and separation for church and public school, and church and medical care. While you might not accept that transgender folks might want surgery to change their body, let that be their choice, not yours.

You may not believe in abortions, that is fine, don’t have one. I believe that women have their reasons for wanting one, they will be the one to live with that choice. Not you, not me, but them. Let women choose and don’t make her feel shitty about it. If you believe she will go to hell or that all those in the LGBTQ community are going to hell (for merely existing), that is not your business. Stop inserting yourself and your beliefs into the lives of thousands of others that didn’t ask for your opinion.

In recent news… Privilege, Bribes and Lack of Merit.

Parents and celebrities are getting arrested for paying off colleges to have their kids admitted because, well because they can. We wonder why there is such an issue with entitlement, nobody is wondering, we all see it. If you have enough money you can pay off just about anybody to get in or out of just about any situation. Politics, Presidency, Prison, Ivy League College.

I want to see some accountability!!! It’s hard to make the changes that need to be made when the rules don’t apply to everyone and exceptions are made for the elite. Reading the stories of injustice day after day, week after week has me thinking that we are not going to get ourselves out from the mess that we created. We have left the era of community and it taking a village, now we are allowing greed to take over and it’s not pretty. It’s only going to get worse. We have lost sight about what it means to come together and have reverted back to every man for himself.

I know, not my most chipper post, but I needed to get it out of my system.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crime/Punishment, Criminal Justice, Government, Immigrants, Politics, Venting

The Great Wall of Trump

reinbeckstudio

 

 

Welcome back blog readers,

Let me start off by saying, that if you are FOR/PRO the wall, then you may as well stop reading.

I’m so tired of hearing about this stupid and unnecessary “Wall” of hate. There is no way that Mexico is paying for it, nor should they be expected to fund it. The American people (the majority of us) aren’t going to pay for it (willingly). Trump himself and all of his millions don’t seem eager to fund his own project. So that leaves us exactly where we are now, no funding, no plans, no blueprints = NO WALL.

 

Finally, somebody is finally saying what we have all been thinking.

Trump’s decision to force the government to shutdown is the equivalent to a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. He’s just holding the American people hostage until he gets his way. Meanwhile, while many government-supported services like TSA, Air Traffic Control, NASA and Homeland Security are working with a skeleton crew, those that are showing up to work are not getting paid until AFTER the shutdown. According to Trump, this shutdown could last months, even years until he gets what he wants.

https://globalnews.ca/video/4814144/irony-of-shutdown-over-border-funding-it-affects-the-department-of-homeland-security-too

The irony over this shutdown is over security, meanwhile, there is a complete lack of security throughout the nation. Trump is so concerned over the idea that Mexicans and Central Americans will cross the border illegally that he’s willing to jeopardize the entire country, force government workers to continue working without pay, families are in danger of losing their homes, single moms on welfare can’t get food stamps.

Does it occur to Trump that getting over a Wall is not the only means of entering the United States. People are allowed to drive across the border to shop, to visit, to spend the weekend. People can book a flight across the border, they can travel by train or greyhound, let’s not forget that people can also travel by boat or other watercraft. Having the biggest Wall at the southern border would be useless. As Trump as stated himself in 2004… About 12:30 in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQqjSPsvA0E#action=share

People that are trying to cross the southern border aren’t doing so because they want to harm anyone. They are not all killers, rapist, terrorist, in fact, many are families and children hoping to make a better life for themselves. Yes, there is a right way to do that. Instead of building a WALL to keep people out (Americans in); why not build several immigration centers to HELP families that want to start over, want to work, want to feel safe as they are escaping worse conditions in Central America. Let’s not assume all of those migrating are Mexican, they are not.

Not only should we set up immigration centers to assist those families that are refugees, but rather than detaining children and separating them from their parents, we should consider building temporary housing near the border because that would be the HUMANE way to treat people and help keep families TOGETHER. Not keep them in cages, fire tear gas at them or assault them when they are unarmed with child in tow.

Let’s be honest… America is housing hundreds of thousands of CRIMINALS that are US citizens. Criminals of all shapes, sizes, colors and ethnicity. They are not all black, African American, Hispanic, Latino, Mexican or other minority because there are plenty of white males and females that also deserve to be in there.

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/reports/pie2018.html

Yes, of course, protect the borders and ensure that those coming in and going out have the proper documentation, I’m not arguing that point. My point is, what good is a giant wall that spans the entire length of the southern border if we don’t have enough border agents to patrol every inch of it 24 hours each day 365 days each year. I’d imagine that they too would require housing close to the border. Why not spend more money on creating jobs that protect the southern border, than a wall that will only be damaged, covered in graffiti and need to be maintained. To me it just seems like a huge waste of resources when that kind of money (if it gets raised) could be put to better use.

There are US citizens in need of financial assistance, housing assistance, homeless, sick, and an entire city that still needs clean water (FLINT, MICHIGAN). Spending billions on a wall because the President “wants” one and for the notion of “feeling safe” doesn’t justify shutting down the government and making the USA more vulnerable to attacks or forcing government employees to work without pay (to be paid eventually) isn’t what the majority of Americans want. Kind of like when Trump was elected, it wasn’t what the MAJORITY of Americans wanted. Again, just being honest.

Clearly, I’m not for the wall, was never for the wall, nor would I feel safe if a wall was built as there are plenty of evil doers north of the southern border, I include Trump as an evil doer. I can’t help but feel that all of the focus on the wall is another means of distracting us from another sneaky bill that will be passed while we’re too busy looking the other way.

We’ve heard from the government a few times that they will not negotiate with terrorists, so why is this any different. Trump is playing the part perfectly, making outrageous demands that he knows can’t be met. The government doesn’t get paid by the president, they get paid by us, the people, the taxpayers. I say they should continue working as they normally would. Ignore the tantrum and Trump will have to find another way to soothe himself and his oversized ego.

My rant is over, carry on…..