Abuse comes in many forms, Clear the air, Family Matters, Speaking from Experience, Venting

Unhappy Mother’s Day

Welcome back blog readers,

Yes, I know it’s been a while since my last post. Life gets busy and I haven’t been inspired until now to post anything.

No the title is not a typo, It is meant to read Unhappy Mother’s Day. It’s not to discredit the great mothers and motherly figures out there. This post is not about them. For me and for others that don’t get along with their mothers, it’s simply just another day. I am not a mother in a biological sense, I do consider myself a pug mom. I am an Aunt and a big sister that has stepped into a motherly role from time to time.

Here is what prompted this blog post.

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I saw this on Facebook, I can relate so I shared them both to my page knowing that I have a few people on my friend’s list that can also relate. My mother saw them, and her natural instinct is to think they are about her. I’ve told her on a few occasions that not everything I share is about her. If I don’t tag her specifically or share it on her page, it’s not meant for her and is just a generic post I thought was worth sharing.

My mother sent me a private message, here is how things played out.  ** If you have not read my book, or through posts on this blog SPOILER ALERT**

Mom:  Hi Hannah, just a question.. be truthful.. was I really a bad mother to you and Joey? as you put all these two posts say..

Hannah:  I have no reason not to be truthful… First not everything I post is about you or anyone in particular. Not everyone has a mom to celebrate Mother’s day with for various reasons. I can relate to that. Not everyone has a great relationship with their mother, I can also relate to that. If you’ve read my book, you should know exactly where I stand. As for your question about you as a mother… You were not great, you were not the best, I know that you believe that you did the best you could. You were also not the worst. Your kids grew up to be functioning members of society, that was partially you and also not your doing. You don’t get to take credit for how we turned out as you only had 7-9 years of influence.

Mom:  Okay… Wow… I did not finish the book yet but I will at some point.. and I feel like you just slapped me for being who I am.. sorry you feel the way you do but you are right about me doing the best I could at the time you two lived with me.. and no I was not there as you both grow up as I had wanted too but then again that was not all my fault… but I do and will still always love you both and will be here when and if you both ever need me ..

Hannah:  You are free to take whatever I say in any manner that you see fit. I didn’t say that you DID the best that you could, I said that I know that YOU believe that you did the best that you could. You are and have been in complete denial about the choices that YOU made and the part that YOU played in everything. You asked me to be truthful, now I ask that you be truthful. I told you the truth about George and what he had been doing to me once you walked in on the last encounter. That wasn’t enough for you… you wanted confirmation/proof, you wanted to know who was telling the truth… You heard the truth, from ME, from the doctors and you still wanted to be with a man that raped me 9 times over 14 months. YOU did NOT do all that you could do to protect me and to keep your kids. YOU could not stay away from George once he was in prison, you got caught visiting him even though you knew you should not, if you wanted your kids back. You chose George again over your kids and their best interest was to be with their mother , not sharing a roof/life with a pedophile. Not only could you not stay away, but you befriended and married another one. Still you feel that you did the best you could, playing the poor me victim card, wondering why your kids don’t talk to you, or make the effort to visit. I opened the door of communication for YOUR benefit, not mine. I don’t need you as a parent in my life. I’m 40 and have done just fine without you. read my book, or don’t, I honestly don’t care. I’m too busy for this BS. You wanted honesty, that is all that I have ever given you, I can’t help how you react to it, that’s on you. I won’t respond because I have to work. Happy Mother’s Day, you brought this on yourself. Now you know why people get frustrated with you and don’t talk to you. How’s that for honesty?

For those of you that are not caught up and not at all familiar with the references, long story short (or as short as possible). I was sexually abused by my mother’s boyfriend in the mid-1980’s the abuse happened 9 times over 14 months (I was 8-9 years old). Once confirmation was obtained (rape test at the hospital the next morning) Child Services were called, my younger brother and I ended up in foster care. What was supposed to be short term ended up being 5 years that ended up in adoption because my mother kept choosing her boyfriend over her kids. We never did go back home.

Anyway, you get the idea. Mother’s day is just another day for me as I don’t have a reason to celebrate. Sometimes fishing for compliments backfires. Some might think that my response is a bit harsh, that’s fine.  You don’t know her like I do.

She has a knack for asking loaded questions, starting an argument and when she finally hits a nerve, she asks why you’re so upset. No accountability for her actions, she’s never to blame and always the victim of circumstance. It’s never her fault for anything.

I’ve tried to be nice, I put myself in her shoes 13 years ago and realized as big as her family is, nobody talks to her or goes out to visit. I felt sad for her. She had 3 grandchildren that she had never met. I was able to salvage/rekindle her relationship with my brother (married with 3 kids) and with her sister. Sadly both were short-lived because she can’t leave well enough alone, she sabotages herself and blames everyone else.

I’m done. Done sugar coating my responses to spare her feelings. She doesn’t take a hint. Sadly brutal honesty is the only thing that gets her attention. Sometimes the truth hurts, so be sure you want to hear it if you come looking for it from me.

I do want to wish all of the great mothers and those that take on a motherly (Aunts, grandmothers, sisters, stepmoms, cousins, nieces) role a Happy Mother’s Day!

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

**** Just an update****

Since the post went public yesterday, I have exchanged a few more private messages with my mother.

Just more of the same BS, of her not taking responsibility, not recognizing that her choices have consequences, nothing is ever her fault. After her last message this evening, I decided not to respond. I’m done! I have blocked her from Facebook as there is nothing more for me to say to her. She sees us (me, my brother, her sister and her brother) as the problem, as to why we don’t talk or visit with her. Funny thing is, we all talk to each other, she can’t admit that she is the common demoninator.

Anyway, just thought I’d share the most recent event for those inquiring minds.

 

 

 

Crime/Punishment, Criminal Justice, Immigrants, Politics, The World We Live In, Venting

Setting ourselves up to Self Destruct.

Depositphotos_67771567_m-2015

Welcome back blog readers,

There is so much going on, I’m having a hard time knowing where to start. The only thing I can come up with is to ask, What the hell is going on? How did we allow ourselves to get here?

For now, those questions are rhetorical as I don’t expect an actual answer because there is so much that is wrong and while it’s apparent there is so much that is wrong, there seems to be no attempt to fix it. Just little band-aids here, a bit of duct tape there and that should hold… for now… we hope.

Let’s just dive right into this, shall we? In no particular order, and as usual, I’m just going to write off of the cuff, unfiltered as it comes to me.

We have thousands of immigrants being detained and families being forcefully separated at the southern border. There are stories coming out every day about how many children are being abused, neglected, not given medical attention, dying in the holding facilities, not allowed proper representation in the courtroom, and moved into an adult holding facility once they turn 18-years-old. The fact that many children were adopted within the USA seems odd and the fact that there are many statements that indicate that ICE has no idea which children belong to which parents is concerning.

It would be great if we could get news about what is really happening and what the plan of action is for those families. For now it’s just speculation.

The fact that social media doesn’t really share the truth mostly opinions, it’s difficult to find a reliable source for what is really happening versus which headline and twisted version of the truth will sell more copies or get more traffic. The news used to be dependable and unbiased, lately, not so much as all they seem to be interested in is the ratings and interaction or shock value, and less about the truth and what’s really happening.

Next on the list: Fact vs. Opinion

I am a supporter of Science, I believe the earth is round because it has been proven, there are pictures to prove that fact. I believe that Climate Change is a concern because the human population has increased significantly in the last 100 years, 500 years, since the Ice Age. Humans create heat so logic would dictate that as the human population increases, so would our surrounding area. More humans mean that we are clearing more land, losing trees, ruining creature habitats, and going through resources at a faster rate. Let’s be honest, we are not as eco-friendly as we should be; if anything we are creating more ways to pollute and be wasteful.

It’s getting to the point where it’s becoming more tempting to live off of the grid and take a page from Amish living. Modest, downsize, grow enough food for yourself and live tax-free.

Following along with the Fact vs. Opinion theme:

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate… To protect yourself and others against Measles, Mumps, Typhoid, Polio, and other incurable diseases that can be avoided or risk taking the chance to becoming infected or infecting others that don’t have a healthy immune system like newborns, the elderly, those undergoing chemotherapy or have an autoimmune disease.

This is where the right to choose gets muddled. While I do have my opinions on this matter, I will refrain from preaching and hope that you all know enough to do what’s right because it’s not always about you.

I’ll just encourage you to do the research and get the advice from professionals and ask yourself why certain diseases have made a huge comeback when up until 5-10 years ago there were significantly fewer cases.

Moving right along… How can the USA continue to claim to be the land of the FREE when the rights of its citizens are being taken away?

Those that are able-bodied pass the physical exam and want to serve their country can’t due to fear. Not from fear that they have, but rather the fear of homophobics and transphobics. Members of the LGBTQ community have been serving right along until the recent ban. Rather than banning members of the LGBTQ community from serving, how about banning all phobics from serving as they are the problem.

What am I saying? The bullies never get punished, it’s the victim that is always forced to quit, move, transfer, resign, get demoted and feel that somehow they are wrong or the problem. I’m not a stranger to being bullied as I have endured my fair share of it throughout my life. At school, in the workplace, online and it sucks. Especially when you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re the one that gets punished, it’s very frustrating.

Having your opinions is one thing when they don’t interfere with the lives of other people. Color your hair, try a new hairstyle, put pineapple on your pizza, invest in real estate instead of putting your money in stocks. No harm was done and you have the freedom to choose. That is all the rest of us want, the freedom to choose what is best for us.

Why are there so many people that feel the need to cram religion down the throats of others and push their beliefs into the laws that affect EVERYONE? Religion is PERSONAL, not UNIVERSAL! If your religion says not to eat pork, then don’t eat pork, don’t force everyone to stop eating pork. Your religion is not the only religion, the higher power that you pray to is not the only higher power, just be respectful and mind your own business.

The fact that religion is creeping more and more into the government, public schools, and the health care system is not what is best for everyone. Making choices for you based on your religion is great… for YOU! Forcing me to follow your beliefs goes against my religion. That is why there should be a separation of church and state, and separation for church and public school, and church and medical care. While you might not accept that transgender folks might want surgery to change their body, let that be their choice, not yours.

You may not believe in abortions, that is fine, don’t have one. I believe that women have their reasons for wanting one, they will be the one to live with that choice. Not you, not me, but them. Let women choose and don’t make her feel shitty about it. If you believe she will go to hell or that all those in the LGBTQ community are going to hell (for merely existing), that is not your business. Stop inserting yourself and your beliefs into the lives of thousands of others that didn’t ask for your opinion.

In recent news… Privilege, Bribes and Lack of Merit.

Parents and celebrities are getting arrested for paying off colleges to have their kids admitted because, well because they can. We wonder why there is such an issue with entitlement, nobody is wondering, we all see it. If you have enough money you can pay off just about anybody to get in or out of just about any situation. Politics, Presidency, Prison, Ivy League College.

I want to see some accountability!!! It’s hard to make the changes that need to be made when the rules don’t apply to everyone and exceptions are made for the elite. Reading the stories of injustice day after day, week after week has me thinking that we are not going to get ourselves out from the mess that we created. We have left the era of community and it taking a village, now we are allowing greed to take over and it’s not pretty. It’s only going to get worse. We have lost sight about what it means to come together and have reverted back to every man for himself.

I know, not my most chipper post, but I needed to get it out of my system.

 

 

 

 

 

 

scoliosis/subluxation, Speaking from Experience, Venting, Work

Workplace Woes

Depositphotos_46236205_m-2015

Welcome back blog readers,

I’m feeling the need to vent about workplace frustration this morning before I go in for my scheduled shift in a few hours.

Why do I seem to end up with a manager that doesn’t take my physical limitations seriously? I have a doctor’s note that was requested by him within the first week of my employment in June 2018. This note explains my medical condition, Scoliosis, and Subluxation as well as what my physical limitations are and the fact that I should not be scheduled more than a 6-hour shift. I have also explained that due to my condition, I can’t work more than 3 shifts in a row without a couple of days in between off to give my back a rest.

How my manager arranges the schedule, is up to him. While I prefer the later closing shifts (3:30pm-10pm), I do have open availability. I can be scheduled 3 shifts on, 3 shifts off or 2 shifts on, 2 shifts off, 2 shifts on in that rotation it doesn’t matter to me. What does bother me is when I’m scheduled the last 3 shifts of one week and then schedule the first 3 shifts into the next week. Like I am now, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. While my manager did mention to me before he left yesterday, he would allow me to leave 2 hours early tonight and tomorrow because he scheduled me for an 8-hour shift both days. While that helps a bit and I appreciate that he has made a small effort to relieve me, I’m still on for 6 days in a row.

Honestly, by the end of day 3, my back has had enough, and I really do need a day or two just to get off of my feet and relax. It would be one thing if I had a sit-down job, but as it is, this position is physically demanding even if I’m taking my time. There are aspects that I do but shouldn’t, just as there are aspects that I avoid because it’s just not worth the risk. Things like climbing an 8ft ladder in the freezer and pulling heavy frozen food from the top shelf, that’s a hard pass from me. The same thing with using a pallet jack/pump truck to move skids/pallets, I won’t do it. If I need products and skids are blocking that area, too bad. It’s not because I’m lazy, I just know my limitations and pulling a load with that kind of weight is well beyond what I should be doing. Yes, I could ask another associate for help, depending on who’s on with me, I will.

We have another associate that has a doctor’s note for working shorter shifts (4 hours) for the next six weeks, she has been accommodated. My note is for life or until my back gets worse, yet it often goes ignored, and I find that incredibly frustrating.

It feels like the first time I worked for this company ( May 2016) and was bullied into performing tasks that I could not do. I was asked to a note to explain my limitations, I got one, and it went ignored. I blew my back out a few days later and needed a few days to rest, spent a few hundred dollars on x-rays and treatment that lasted 6 months. During that time no accommodations were made to my duties or my hours as the doctor’s note suggested. I went back to work only to be bullied by my manager and a co-worker who got in my face, screamed at me and told me to stop being lazy.

I felt this way in October 2017 when I reentered the workforce after taking time off. I was happy to be back to work, doing something I loved. I quickly realized that most of the movements and duties were putting me at risk again. During my 3rd week, my back was really giving me issues, my mandatory 15 minute breaks made matters worse. Once I sat down and got back up, it’s like my back was worse for resting and trying to move again. Toward the end of a shift I needed to get off of my feet, so I pulled the stool over to sit while decorating a cake. Another (older) associate has been allowed to sit while she worked, I didn’t think much of it. My manager let me know that I wasn’t allowed to sit, if the owners saw me, we’d both get in trouble.

I explained my situation, to which she understood and when I asked about the other associate, seemed she was “grandfathered in” and management has made an exception for her. This associate walks with a bit of a limp and uses a cane, where my medical condition is not seen by others, only felt by me. Clearly, that still bothers me as I’m getting emotional just writing this.

It’s tough when you’re 5ft tall, and most work areas are built with the height of the average person in mind. An average person that can use the 3-compartment sink and not have to stand on their tiptoes and stretch to reach the On/Off knobs or lean into the actual basin to get the decorating tips and other utensils out. The average person that can easily load the top oven without balancing a baking tray wearing oven mitts on their tiptoes because you have limited space and you have something baking in the lower oven. Sure you can use a ladder in the walk-in freezer to reach items on the top shelf. For the average person, that’s not a problem, for me, I am continually overreaching, which is a no-no.

Anyway, I do need to wrap this up so I can grab a bite to eat before heading out to work my day 4 of 6.

Just because you can’t see my S-Curve (unless I bend over, then the hump at the right shoulder is noticeable) doesn’t mean I’m not in pain. Just because I have performed specific tasks unassisted, doesn’t mean I should.

Please hear me when I raise my concern about needing time to rest between shifts. It’s not because I’m lazy, it’s because I don’t want to end up paralyzed.

 

Crime/Punishment, Criminal Justice, Government, Immigrants, Politics, Venting

The Great Wall of Trump

 

 

Welcome back blog readers,

Let me start off by saying, that if you are FOR/PRO the wall, then you may as well stop reading.

I’m so tired of hearing about this stupid and unnecessary “Wall” of hate. There is no way that Mexico is paying for it, nor should they be expected to fund it. The American people (the majority of us) aren’t going to pay for it (willingly). Trump himself and all of his millions don’t seem eager to fund his own project. So that leaves us exactly where we are now, no funding, no plans, no blueprints = NO WALL.

 

Finally, somebody is finally saying what we have all been thinking.

Trump’s decision to force the government to shutdown is the equivalent to a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. He’s just holding the American people hostage until he gets his way. Meanwhile, while many government-supported services like TSA, Air Traffic Control, NASA and Homeland Security are working with a skeleton crew, those that are showing up to work are not getting paid until AFTER the shutdown. According to Trump, this shutdown could last months, even years until he gets what he wants.

https://globalnews.ca/video/4814144/irony-of-shutdown-over-border-funding-it-affects-the-department-of-homeland-security-too

The irony over this shutdown is over security, meanwhile, there is a complete lack of security throughout the nation. Trump is so concerned over the idea that Mexicans and Central Americans will cross the border illegally that he’s willing to jeopardize the entire country, force government workers to continue working without pay, families are in danger of losing their homes, single moms on welfare can’t get food stamps.

Does it occur to Trump that getting over a Wall is not the only means of entering the United States. People are allowed to drive across the border to shop, to visit, to spend the weekend. People can book a flight across the border, they can travel by train or greyhound, let’s not forget that people can also travel by boat or other watercraft. Having the biggest Wall at the southern border would be useless. As Trump as stated himself in 2004… About 12:30 in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQqjSPsvA0E#action=share

People that are trying to cross the southern border aren’t doing so because they want to harm anyone. They are not all killers, rapist, terrorist, in fact, many are families and children hoping to make a better life for themselves. Yes, there is a right way to do that. Instead of building a WALL to keep people out (Americans in); why not build several immigration centers to HELP families that want to start over, want to work, want to feel safe as they are escaping worse conditions in Central America. Let’s not assume all of those migrating are Mexican, they are not.

Not only should we set up immigration centers to assist those families that are refugees, but rather than detaining children and separating them from their parents, we should consider building temporary housing near the border because that would be the HUMANE way to treat people and help keep families TOGETHER. Not keep them in cages, fire tear gas at them or assault them when they are unarmed with child in tow.

Let’s be honest… America is housing hundreds of thousands of CRIMINALS that are US citizens. Criminals of all shapes, sizes, colors and ethnicity. They are not all black, African American, Hispanic, Latino, Mexican or other minority because there are plenty of white males and females that also deserve to be in there.

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/reports/pie2018.html

Yes, of course, protect the borders and ensure that those coming in and going out have the proper documentation, I’m not arguing that point. My point is, what good is a giant wall that spans the entire length of the southern border if we don’t have enough border agents to patrol every inch of it 24 hours each day 365 days each year. I’d imagine that they too would require housing close to the border. Why not spend more money on creating jobs that protect the southern border, than a wall that will only be damaged, covered in graffiti and need to be maintained. To me it just seems like a huge waste of resources when that kind of money (if it gets raised) could be put to better use.

There are US citizens in need of financial assistance, housing assistance, homeless, sick, and an entire city that still needs clean water (FLINT, MICHIGAN). Spending billions on a wall because the President “wants” one and for the notion of “feeling safe” doesn’t justify shutting down the government and making the USA more vulnerable to attacks or forcing government employees to work without pay (to be paid eventually) isn’t what the majority of Americans want. Kind of like when Trump was elected, it wasn’t what the MAJORITY of Americans wanted. Again, just being honest.

Clearly, I’m not for the wall, was never for the wall, nor would I feel safe if a wall was built as there are plenty of evil doers north of the southern border, I include Trump as an evil doer. I can’t help but feel that all of the focus on the wall is another means of distracting us from another sneaky bill that will be passed while we’re too busy looking the other way.

We’ve heard from the government a few times that they will not negotiate with terrorists, so why is this any different. Trump is playing the part perfectly, making outrageous demands that he knows can’t be met. The government doesn’t get paid by the president, they get paid by us, the people, the taxpayers. I say they should continue working as they normally would. Ignore the tantrum and Trump will have to find another way to soothe himself and his oversized ego.

My rant is over, carry on…..

Customer Service, Venting, Work

When a Code Adam is reversed.

Welcome back blog readers,

I know that it’s been a few days since the last post was published; there hasn’t been much to report until a spark of inspiration hit me last night.

During the last five months of working part-time at a big box retail store, I have encountered 3 calls for CODE ADAM (lost child) to all of which were reunited in under 2 minutes, as that is what tends to happen most often. Last night I experienced my second encounter of a child that lost their parent.

My first encounter was last month when two young girls (sisters) approached me to ask if I have seen a lady with black long hair walk by. I ask if this lady with long black hair was their mom, it was and I brought them to Customer Service as we are trained to do so, figuring that is the most likely meeting place for a parent to start searching for their kid(s) in this situation.

The girls follow me and I tell them not to worry, this sort of thing happens all of the time and we’ll make an announcement to have their mom come to customer service to meet them. The announcement is made and the mom arrives with in a few minutes. As an associate, this situation is common and we don’t judge as we have probably been on either side of this ourselves.

What bothers me is how the parents respond when they are the ones being paged to meet their kid(s). This mother scolded her girls in front of us and made them apologize to us for basically doing our job and reuniting them.

Last night a little boy, maybe 7 years old approached me, he had 2 toys in hand and he looked scared almost ready to cry. I notice him and his behavior and ask him if he’s okay. He said he lost his mom and wanted help to find her. I told him the same thing I told the girls, not to worry, this happens a lot and we’re going to walk to customer service where they will make an announcement to find her.

I arrive at customer service and the associate immediately recognizes the situation and asks the boy, “Did you lose your mom?” he replies, “yes I was in the toy area, went looking for her and couldn’t find her.” We get mom’s first name and she is paged to meet her party at Customer Service. Mom arrives in under 2 minutes and comments how embarrased she was to have been paged as a missing mom. Her son is still clearly shaken up and mom doesn’t offer a hug or words of comfort. His effort to seek help went unnoticed. At this point, mom and kid are reunited, so I go back to my department to resume where I left off. Mom and son walk by me and he thanks me for helping him which felt pretty good.

Here’s what bothers me….

There is no need to feel embarrassed if you lose sight of your kid(s) in a large retail store. Trust me it happens at least once a week, we’re not judging your parenting skills. Parents please make sure your kid(s) know your first name, not just mom or dad. Please give your kids credit when they seek help from associates to reunite with you. I know kids are warned about “Stranger Danger” and please realize that most kids are scared and they don’t have a great sense of direction. You might have told them to meet you in a specific department, they might acknowledge what you’ve said, but getting there once they panic is a different story.

Showing that you’re upset about being paged gives your child the wrong impression about whether or not seeking help to find you is what they should do if there is a next time. Instead, acknowledge that they used good judgment/common sense to ask for help instead of wandering around the large store and putting the entire store on lockdown for a Code Adam. The fear/anxiety you as a parent feel when you have to resort to that call, is what your kid feels when they have to call for you.

We are there to help, while in most cases there is no real threat taking place, just thank the associate(s) that helped to reunite you and offer your kid(s) a hug. There is no need to apologize to us, or any need to make your kid feel worse than they already do. This is a HAPPY ending 🙂

Rant over, as I have to get ready for my next shift…

Happy Tuesday!